College freshman (and other roommates), 5 ways for you to bless and not to curse

My freshman roommate and I even shared our
Snack Packs... also known as love.

Editors Notes: Yes, I let my little sister write a blog post. So listen up, cause I'm an angry and protective older brother!
       My freshman year of college I lived with my high school best friend. Everyone told us that we would probably hate each other by the time fall semester ended, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. We got along really well (only two even relative disagreements the whole year) and spent probably 85% of our time together. Sure, I needed my space sometimes, but our friendship grew and it was a great experience.
       My sophomore year of college, I lived with a friend I made since coming to college. We had gotten along great the previous year, so why wouldn't we do well as roommates? Well, I learned that living with friends isn't always a recipe for success. We were as opposite as opposite could be and while we never fought, there was a lot of tension between us the whole year. There was one instance when I thought it would be hilarious to scare her and after she had gone into our shared bathroom I climbed up into my closet. When she opened the door I dropped down and, well...scared her. Turns out this was something she absolutely hated and it didn't do anything to help our relationship as roommates. I spent the rest of the year stubbornly maintaining that it was hilarious and she had overreacted. The truth was is that I should have apologized and tried to be a more loving roommate. We are still friends, but I learned that not all friends are meant to be roommates.
       In the near future, many high school students are going to be going to college and living on their own for the very first time. In many cases, they will be living in a dorm situation and sharing a room with someone else. This person could be a stranger, a best friend from high school, a random person that was vaguely known in high school, or anything in between. And with all of these possible situations, another host of various outcomes are possible. I shared a room with five different women over the course of my four years at Kansas State. I learned a lot about my[sinful]self with each roommate. I have thought of five (loaded) tips of how to be a good roommate.

5. Don't have unrealistic expectations - Most of you are probably hoping that you and your future roommate will get along. Heck, most of you are probably hoping that you and your future roommate will become really good friends (this includes you boys). But it is best if you go into this completely new phase of life without demanding that of your new roommate. They could be in a fraternity or sorority and you could be the biggest video game nerd on the planet. They could be really into the color black and heavy metal music while you will be fond of Justin Bieber and the color pink. Even if you know your roommate and you were best friends in high school; you are going to change so much in the next year. There is a possibility that you could grow apart. You could suddenly find out you have nothing in common and develop separate friend groups. That's OK. You don't have to be best friends with your roommate. You don't have to do everything together.

4. Respect each other's space - A lot of you probably had your own room growing up. A lot of you probably came home from school and threw your backpack and shoes on the kitchen floor and your mom put it away in your room later. Some of you shared a room with your sibling and that's great, but sharing a room with someone you've never lived with before is completely different

We mutually agreed that a Chipotle mess
was the only acceptable mess

      - Clean up after yourself - I'm not a normally clean person, but when I lived with someone else I always tried to respect our space and keep things relatively tidy. It took effort. Welcome to adulthood! Don't leave dirty clothes all over the floor. Don't leave week-old dishes laying out on your desk. If you share a bathroom figure out how often you both would like to have the bathroom cleaned. If you both genuinely don't care, great! Enjoy each other's filth. But don't assume your roommate doesn't care if they say that at the beginning of the year. Some people say stuff like that to seem nice.

      - Invest in good headphones - I know this is going to be a shock to some of you (like the rest of this stuff), but not everyone loves your taste in Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars. When your roommate is in the room, don't assume that they want to listen to your blasted music, watch your tv shows/movies, or want to listen to you play video games until the wee hours of the morning. In fact, assume that they don't and plug in your headphones.
       - Don't eat their food - I know that they probably buy the good kind of pop tarts and they probably won't notice if you take a package every now and then, but food also costs money and college students tend to be poor. Always ask before you take someone else's food and if they share you better be prepared to share your food in return. I went grocery shopping with one of my roommate's and there were some things we bought for sharing (like milk, popcorn, and other snacks) and some things we bought for ourselves (don't touch my pop tarts).

3. Communicate - At the beginning of the year the two of you need to sit down and talk to each other about some of the things I have already mentioned and other general expectations.
       - Guests - Is it OK to have your friends from home come stay the night? Is it OK to have friends over late during the week? It's normal to bring friends to your room, but if your roommate is a crazy extrovert and you really value alone time, it's probably not appropriate for them to have people over every waking moment of the day. You don't need to ask to have friends come hang out, but always clear it with your roommate before you have someone spend the night. I had a roommate who was really introverted one semester, so if someone came to visit me we they would stay in one of my other friend's rooms.
       - Sleeping habits - All four years, I either had morning classes or I worked early in the morning, so guess what? I went to bed relatively early. But almost every single roommate I had went to bed much later than I did. Talk to your roommate and ask them when they think they will go to sleep. Find out what kind of noise/light they can tolerate. I understood that most college students didn't go to bed early. I bought a fan to drown out noise and literally hung up a blanket over my bunk to create a cave for sleeping privacy. Try and respect each other, but be flexible.

Don't let the sign fool you, boys weren't allowed in my
bed either

       - Talk to each other, not the person down the hall - If you have a problem with your roommate, talk to your roommate about it. And here's a helpful tip: it's better to explain it to them by telling them what it is and how you have perceived it instead of accusing them of anything. Chances are, they didn't realize they were doing it and are open to change. I had a roommate who liked to listen to music every moment of every day. I even liked some of the music, but sometimes I needed silence. I told her I couldn't concentrate while her music was playing and so she started plugging in her headphones. That was easy.

2. Serve - I have a good story for this one. My senior year I moved into an apartment with three other girls. One roommate left a dirty Foreman grill out almost every time she cooked. And usually it would get left out for a while without getting cleaned or used again. None of the other roommates used it, so there was no reason for us to clean it. Occasionally one of us would break down and clean to get it out of the way and, like clockwork, it would get used and left dirty again within a few days. Finally, after the grill got left out for three weeks without getting cleaned, we wrapped the chord around it and put it in the cupboard dirty as a stubborn display of our pride. For months we lived on edge to see what would happen if she would eventually find the dirty grill. Sometimes one of us would even talk about cleaning it because we felt so bad. It took five months for her to get it out and use it again...with the other two roommates and myself sitting in the living room just a few feet away. We held our breaths as she pulled it out and looked at it. We expected her to yell at us, it was only fair. But she simply walked to the sink and started washing it.
       That was a long story, but here the principle is this: service isn't about what's fair or what we want to do. This roommate also happened to be the only non-Christian of the three of us. Yeah, good going Allison. There are going to be times that you have picked up your roommate's towel for the hundreth time and you swear it's the last. You have two godly options: you can go back to principle three and communicate with them, or you can ask God for the strength to put yourself aside and do something nice for your roommate even if it doesn't change their life. It's not about you and your pride, it's about what Jesus is doing through you to squash that pride.

1. Love First - this one is inherently connected to the rest. I remember talking to a high school student once who said that when they got to college, they were going to do whatever they wanted in the room they would share and if their roommate didn't like it, they could just go somewhere else. You know what the problem with that is? Jesus. 1 John 4:10-12 says,

       "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

We are even capable of loving God because he decided to love us first. With our parents, we tend to think we deserve their love and affection and service. "Well, they do that because they are my parent and they have to, but I don't owe them anything because I'm their child." I thought that for years with my parents even after leaving for college; and we think that with God too. But that principle isn't just a nice story about the nature of God's love, it's the example Jesus asks us to use too. Don't think you can do it? Pray. First, thank God for giving to the ability to to be loved and love someone else. Second, ask God for the strength to do the same every single day. There are going to be tough days with your roommate ahead, but you will find the supernatural ability to love the crap out of your roommate as your find your dependence on the Holy Spirit working through you.

       These principles aren't just important for your first year of college before you move off campus and get your own room, these are important for the mere fact that most of you will have roommates for the rest of your life. Most of you will get married and have to live with another person for the rest of your life. Practice now to be a blessing for your roommate and not a curse. Use the opportunity to grow in your love of God and others. 

 - Allison Krahn